As promised, we have developed a recovery program for those heartbroken individuals who could not attend our festive Christmas musical extravaganza movie release gala party thing. (There will be a separate program for those who can’t pronounce it.) We know that non-Danger Couch programs usually have twelve steps, but the beauty of our system is that you can save your leftover steps for some other recovery.

One:

Admit you have no power over your Danger Couch addiction. It’s OK, no one does. Besides, there is safety in numbers

Two:

Realize that this is in no way a bad thing. Couching is good for you. It builds stamina, character and your white blood cell count. We really don’t know why.

Three:

Admit that you missed the show. Confess, your error. The more loudly and publicly the better. Let the world know about your catastrophic failure to prioritize. Reveal your misplaced affection for television, money, family, a plane ticket, whatever it was that kept you from the show. (Note: if you did not miss the show feel free to skip to step six.)

Four:

Apologize to yourself for missing the show. Make sure you are sincere, because you will know it if you’re not, and that will only further alienate yourself from yourself. You know how stubborn you can be. If you mess this up it could take years to proceed to step five.

Five:

Forgive yourself. This may be hard to do considering the magnitude of your failure, but it is critical to purge your conscience and restore good relations with yourself.

Six:

Redouble your devotion to the Couch. Watch the episodes repeatedly. Study the blogs. If have not yet subscribed, do so immediately. We can only help you if you put in the work. Diligence is the key. Not only to recovery, but to deep, cushiony Couch contentment.

Seven:

Pay attention. Every day is filled with Couch-worthy people and events. Watch for them, note them, laugh at them behind their back, and share them with us. (We like to laugh too.) Open your perceptions to these everyday miracles of mirth, only then can you elevate your Couch consciousness to the next level.

Its not too late for you,

its not too early for us,

its not too noonish for others.

Good luck on your return to wholeness. Always remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a bathroom break.

With tears of pride

The D.C. Crew