Hey boys and girls this is Jimmy James, host of Story Time with Jimmy James and if you are here for a story, you are in the right place. So sit down, keep quite and try not to touch each other, there’s no telling where you’ve been.

Here we go:

A long time ago in the middle of the everglades, there lived an alligator. His name was Jeb. There was nothing that Jeb loved more than swimming around the swamps and marshes, except maybe taking a dip in someone’s swimming pool from time to time. It was always fun to see all the excited people thrash the water in joy whenever he would drop in at the local YMCA.

Anyway, one day Jeb was cruising past one of the many tropical islands hidden in the everglades when he spotted something he had never noticed before. It was a tree. Not just any tree, but a lovely female coconut tree.

Now, some people say that all trees look alike, and it’s true that they’re pretty much tall and woody and leafy, but Jeb had a keen masculine intuition that allowed him to locate females anywhere, as long as they were fairly good-looking, and that day his intuition was working overtime.

He crawled up on the shore to introduce himself. In his coolest and most ladykiller voice he said, “Hey there, foxy-lady tree. How about going out me tonight.”

The tree just waved in the wind. Clearly she was playing hard to get, so Jeb upped the ante a little bit, pulling out one of his better pick-up lines.

“Yo baby, whataya say you and me wander off together and stalk some dinner? I know a great little spot where the housecats are fat and easy to catch. Talk about some good eating.”

The tree just sighed sadly in the wind, it’s branches drooping.

“Oh, I get it. You’re a vegetarian. That’s cool, baby. Let’s go over to my place and I’ll fix you some Artichoke ala’ Tinkles, and if you play your cards right, maybe later on I’ll give you one of my romantic bark-rubs. Ya dig?”

The tree was so excited by Jeb’s offer that it accidentally dropped a coconut and wouldn’t you know, it landed right on Jeb’s head, leaving a huge lump on his handsome skull.

It hurt so bad that Jeb’s eyes were blinded by tears, and not just the crocodile kind either. He launched out into the swamp, trying to outrun the pain, but it keep up with him for many miles. When his head finally cleared, the island and the tree were long gone, never to be found again.

Do you know what the moral of the story is boys and girls?

Me neither, this story sucks. Next time I’ll bring my own storybook.

Now go home, I gotta get ready for a date.

Story Time with Jimmy James can be found here and wherever good programming in in short supply.

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When Jimmy is not corrupting young minds he likes to look at the pictures at the Ominous Comma.