In the Late 1800’s the peace of the American frontier was shattered by the ruthless reign of the Spam Barons. These canned meat moguls were know for their savagely shrewd business practices and their vicious suppression of the fresh meat market. Fueled by a pitiless drive for domination, these byproduct buccaneers brought agony, angst and anguish to the sundry sad settlers in their path–

We interrupt this historical drivel to bring you the following stimulating story in mid-breakage:

Danger Couch is coming to your town. As long as your town is Memphis.

Local authorities were unavailable for comment, which is fine because no one ever listens to them anyway. Spokesmen for the Couch were also unavailable for comment due their semi-comatose pre-production exhaustion. But, if those authorities had been speaking, and if they were speaking about Danger Couch and their spokesmen, they would undoubtedly say that the Couch is learning a valuable lesson this year about workload, time management, and nervous exhaustion. Authorities are like that you see, always chiming in with unwanted information and opinions, telling you what your problem is and what you can do with it. So it is a good thing for these authorities that they are not available right now or we might have to tap a frosty keg of beat-down on their smug, superior assessments of us.

Not that we are in any way tired, exhausted or less than perky fresh. We want you, the viewing, reading, listening, show-going public to know that being a multiple media entertainment conglomeration is the key to a life of glamour and excitement. Any stories of all-night video shoots, triple digit temperatures, scheduling conflicts or sinus trouble should be quickly disregarded. Those that say our comedic odysseys require as much hard work as they do inspiration are spreading vicious rumors which we do not appreciate.

The truth is this: at Danger Couch we float on cushy pillows of talent from one hilarious adventure to another. Diligence, patience and persistence are all things we have heard of but don’t really need.

If you desire to experience this glamorous excitement for yourself, you are in luck. For a limited time you can join Jimmy, Ruckus, and Wilh as they shoot their short film, Danger Couch and the Tinsel of Doom. There is no charge to you for being in the film, this exquisite and rarely exciting opportunity is absolutely free. All the movie magic, all the behind the scenes access, all the interminable intensity. All of it can be yours.

If you look forward to illuminative positioning, if you are eager to make some powerful connections, and if you are ready for some serious accommodations, then this is the opportunity for you.

Sign up now at diannerocks@dangercouch.com

We now return you to your previously pitiful programming.

–That unexpected upset was the turning point of the entire conflict. After that, the purveyor of pink pork paste were broken men. The formerly fierce Spam Barons, sadly ceded their dysfunctional dynasty to legislators, litigators, and louts. These once powerful figures made a dignified disappearance into the mysterious mists of time, never to reappear.

That’s all the time we have this week. Join us again on Non-Pertinent Points In History for more obscure historical excitement.