Have you ever thought about the complex and conflicted ball of neuroses that is the modern ninja?

(I know, I know, there should really be postmodern ninjas, but you have no idea how totally traditional ninjas can be. Have you ever seen one with a taser? Or a shotgun? Or even pepper spray? No, its always back to the pointy star-things, and the little, tiny axes and the stupid little black balls with all the spikes. Theyre so stubborn.)

Anyway, ninjas are everywhere. They’re in movies, commercials, the trunk of your car, the internet, absolutely everywhere.

And they’re so smug about it. They stand there smirking under their masks as if to say, Yeah, I wear my black pajamas all over town. I’m a stealthy assassin, what are you going to do about it?

Wake up people! Ninjas are evil, evil, evil, stinky and bad. You must stand up and fight them! Sure, with their lightning reflexes and savage weaponry they will cut you down like a flame-thrower through a styrofoam ice chest. But come on! At least, as the last of your blood trickles though your socks and make interesting new patterns on your new carpet, you can die knowing that you fought for all that was good and right and non-ninjish.

Not everyone can say that. Read the obituaries, they are full of dead people. And not a one of them say anything about fighting the oppression of the ninjas. Now I think…

Wait, I hear ninjas outside. Got to go now,

I must fight some oppression.

-Wilh Smoder

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 You can find more witty humor at The Ominous Comma, the personal weblog of Brent Diggs