Happy New Year everyone. As a special treat for our readers, we rounded up the Danger Couch boys and persuaded them to share their resolutions for 2007. It wasn’t easy, but after supplying a few Flaming Stephens and an occasional shot of Sodium Pentothal we were able to extract the following information just for you:

Jimmy James:
“This year, I’ve decided not to waste time on chicks that aren’t into me. Even if they’re foxes. Before, I used run after girls to show them what they were missing. I felt bad for them, because they could have been with me. But not any more. Life is too short for girls with messed up priorities.”

Wilheim Smoder:
“I’ve learned a lot this last year, and I feel that I’m a better man because of it. I’ve decided that in the upcoming year I will be more fair and open-minded. I am not going to blame ninjas for all the problems I see in the world. Ninjas are people too, with their own problems. I see that now. After all, it’s really the sasquatch underground that’s behind the whole conspiracy. They just took advantage of the ninja’s financial problems and seized the opportunity to-
Hey, where are you going?! Come back…
Fine! Remain in your ignorance! That’s they way they like it!”

Ruckford MacMullit:
“This year I am resolving to reduce my rate of respiration. I am looking at mediation, deep breathing, stuff like that. I want to really cut down on my CO2 emissions and help reduce global warming.
I better sit down now, I think I’m starting to hyperventilate.”

Currently-Unnamed-Drummer-Of-Untold-Mystery:
“Man, I haven’t had time to make any resolutions yet, or even breakfast. I’m just too excited. It’s great to finally be part of the Couch. It’s everything I hoped for and more than I ever dreamed of imagining it could be. But I’ve got to go now. It’s almost time for Jimmy’s pedicure and I haven’t finished waxing Wilh’s grenade collection. Happy New Year.”

What about You:
Don’t let the Couchmen have all the fun. Send us your New Years Resolutions, as crazy as they might be. We like them that way. Send them now.