It is mother’s day, and as a service to all our fans who may have forgotten their mothers, or just have trouble expressing their inner feelings, your friends at Danger Couch have graciously provided you with this all purpose card text. Just copy it down and circle whatever options seems appropriate, and just that easily, you will have a personal and inexpensive sentiment to give to your mom.

Here it goes:

Dear mom | dad | other, I wanted to thank you | complain | scratch my head for all you
have done for me | my squirrel | the NY Yankees. You are really special | sleepy | painful
to me. I also wanted to acknowledge | explain | evade your deep impact | compact | lingering odor on my life | liberty | sanity. You are the best | good enough for me | the first one to take this card off my hands.

Happy Mother’s Day | Overlooked Relative’s Day | first day of the rest of your life.

Lots of love

Insert name here. (Your own name please.)

If for some reason this card doesn’t do the trick, you may have to spend money. Possibly your own. We would love to stick around but we have to go wash our hair now.

Good luck
The D.C. Crew.

—-
The Ominous Comma is always watching