F.A.Q.

Fully Annoying Questions

Q: Is it true that your tinsel is made from Space Titanium like the kind that is always showing up in Godzilla films?

A: At Galactic Tinsel, we are continually amazed by the gullibility of the purchasing public. Space Titanium is a fictional alloy found only on Japanese sound stages and movie lots. Besides, if we brought Space Titanium to America, Godzilla would certainly follow, and it is considerably better for business that he rampage over in Tokyo rather than here. Even worse, he might send his fleet of attorneys to enforce his worldwide endorsement and merchandising contract. We shudder to think what effect that could have on the economy.

Q: I heard that your tinsel is mined exclusively from virgin asteroids deep in the Pegasus galaxy, is this true?

A: First, asteroids are the only thing that we know of that Virgin Industries doesn’t own, but now that you have brought that to their attention, we’re sure that they will acquire one by the end of the week. Second, the Andromeda galaxy is much closer than the Pegasus galaxy, allowing us to save substantially on shipping costs and pass that savings on to you, the humble consumer. Just kidding! We pass the savings on to our accountants who promptly slap them into offshore bank accounts for us. Just kidding again. Really, all our tinsel is designed, fabricated, produced, distributed and purchased on this planet. Nothing alien or spacey is ever used in our products. We promise.

Q: Have you ever considered world domination? I think you would be good at it.

A: That’s what our high school guidance councilor said. We had assumed he was joking, but now that you bring it up…no. At Galactic Tinsel we are only interested in dominating every niche in every holiday decoration market everywhere. That’s all. What would we do with the world anyway? It’s not really good for anything except getting into trouble. Who needs a project like that?

Q: What colors does your tinsel come in?

A: We are proud of the fact that our tinsel is completely nondiscriminatory. Red tinsel reflects only red light, green tinsel only reflects green light. We think that kind of favoritism and intolerance is what’s wrong with this country today. Our tinsel reflects every shade and frequency of visible light and even some of the invisible spectrum.

Q: So basically, your tinsel only comes in silver?

A: Well, um, you could put it that way, but we here at Galactic Tinsel we…O.K. its silver, alright? No more questions, smart guy!