A collection of things I wasn’t thinking about, until I realized that I wasn’t.

Pork futures -once a pig becomes pork, his own personal future has come to something of a standstill.

Decoupage

Dermabrasion -Based on high school woodshop experiences, I have always believed that skin and sandpaper do not mix, but then again that’s what I thought that about botulism too.

Shot-put records

Moles- rodent or blemish, you pick.

Brittany Spears -I am thinking of launching an internet service that would filter selected names completely out of all news feeds. I would start with her.

Moose pheromones - Anything that can recommend a large, smelly, aggressive beast to the opposite sex deserves my respect.

“Rocky Mountain High” by Bob Denver - Was that his real name? I heard somewhere that he was born Robert Boston but changed his name to fit into the competitive Colorado folk singer scene. Someone should check.

Potpourri

Madonna -See Brittany Spears.

Balloon Mortgages - Casino gambling for property owners.

Resin epoxy

The Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll -What can I say? My toves are feeling particularly slithy today.

Urinal cake hockey -Now this is great idea. I don’t know why there isn’t a league already. Dave Berry is going to kick himself when he finds out I thought of it first.

Old spice aftershave

Life insurance premiums -Why aren’t there life insurance regulars? Wouldn’t they be cheaper? Another conspiracy to be explored.

Transcendental dentistry -Escape plaque and gingivitis by moving to a higher plane.

Jaywalking -A competitive sport in Memphis.

Kaywalking

L-walking

Stir-fry wok king -There must be a restaurant somewhere with this name. If not,let’s open one.

Cellular metabolism -The fist time your cells even get a day off is at your funeral.

“Crazy Like a Fox” the TV show

The Pittsburgh Museum of Rock Star Spandex

Trombone launched spit-wad projectiles -Somebody has to have website about this somewhere.

Last known whereabouts of Gil Gerard -Buck Rodgers where are you?

Outcome of a battle between Chuck Norris and the Borg

Yak Juggling

Industrial uses for buffalo bile -I’m thinking chewing gum removal from public facilities.

Canned meat -”the breakfast of rednecks”

Long-term storage facility for unused Krazy Glue -We need to protect this, where ever it is as a potential terrorist target. What kind of defense could we muster with all our fingers glued together?

Neutrinos -Tragically too fast for love

World record for knuckle popping

Molecular weight of Jello

Mangelos -Do they even exist? If not how did that word get into my head?

There you go, a list of things mercifully absent from my brain until I foolishly summoned them. Now I will never be free. Another creative writing exercise gone horribly wrong. I’m sure to be in therapy for years over this.

If you need a little therapy, help me fill in the blanks in this post. Send me your definitions or anything that’s not on your mind.

If you enjoyed this post, then you exist outside what is typically defined as ‘Normal.”
Which makes you just the sort of person that would appreciate other works by this author,which can be found at The Ominous Comma.