The multiple media creation cooperative Danger Couch are back at work in their secret hideout, deep in the humid depths of Memphis, in a courageous effort to provide the world with new and original humor content.

At least that’s what they tell their fans.

I however, discovered a different story in my secretly stealthy in-depth investigation of the inner working of the Couch.

I’m Herman Fording and this is the Fording Report, bringing you the most heart-wrenching, ratings-boosting stories you’ve never heard. News so fresh and inciting, that other news outlets are left panting in the dust, fatigued from their long inactivity and obese journalistic careers. News so shocking and heart-stopping that each issue comes with a free single shot defibrillator. And smelling salts.

I infiltrated the Danger Couch safe house one night in February, cleverly disguised a pizza delivery guy, and after delivering the secret camera and microphone equipped pizzas, was quickly forgotten in the rush of excuse-making creativity. Each member will be referred to by his stage name in order to protect the identities of the formerly innocent.

“Jimmy”: Seems like months since we’ve been back here, but it’s good to be back.

“Wilh”: How was the tour with Stevie Wonder?

“Jimmy”: It was good, I saw parts of the world that I didn’t know had names. Actually, they may not have names, I’m still not sure. How was the web developer conference?

“Wilh”: Good, they adopted my standard for Web 3.0 as I expected.

“Ruckus”: I thought everyone else was working on Web 2.0?

“Wilh”: They are. I am ahead of the curve. How was Getbakistan?

“Ruckus:” Good and bad. I brought peace to region, and was even named a tribal chieftain, but I didn’t find an affordable Saquatch suit.

“Jimmy”: So we’re still on hold for the next episode?

“Ruckus”: For now, but I’m heading out to Tibet with the UN next week. I’m sure they’ll have one there.

“New Drummer Guy”: The closet thing you’ll find in Tibet is a Yeti suit.

“Ruckus”: That won’t do?

“Wilh”: Afraid not.

“Jimmy”: Hmmmm

“Ruckus”: I forgot to ask, how did the 3D chess tournament go?

“Drummer Guy”: I got second place, which is alright. The bad thing is that the winner was wearing vulcan ears the entire time. Here we are, trying to bring respectability to the game and he pulls a stunt like that. It’s so disappointing.

“Ruckus”: Sounds like we need a team building activity.

“Wilh”: Definitely

“Jimmy”: I’ve got just the thing.

I had to leave the meeting at this point, having been tipped five times, but the pizza-box-cam recorded these images of the DC crew “hard at work” in their strategic planning meeting.

With “meetings” like these it is no wonder that there are no new episodes on the site. It has been my sad duty to bring many derelictions of duty to light, but none as irresponsible as this. These men, entrusted with the fate of world funniness, have selfishly focused on personal accomplishments, and we have all paid the price. I can only hope that these gifted individuals will come to their senses and cease their work on bills, college, world peace and other lesser callings and get back to entertaining us. And I mean now!

This is Herman Fording signing off.

Actual Notes from the Meeting.

If you enjoy the abrasively refreshing work of Herman Fording,
you are a deeply flawed individual.
You will find a lot of us at Fording’s internet home:

The Ominous Comma