Here at Danger Couch, we realize that it is a brand new year, and that many of you are making positive changes to enjoy a healthier lifestyle. Not just any changes, but long term changes, changes sure to affect your lives for at least the rest of the month. So we would like to take this opportunity to remind you just how good for you the Couch really is

The unique type of laughter triggered by Danger Couch exposure burns three times as many calories as activities of similar physical exertion, such as sleeping. In addition, it often causes people to cough up significant amounts cholesterol, cleansing the arteries just enough for another helping of deep-fried pork lips.

Danger Couch is an essential part a nutritious breakfast, best served with prune juice and Bran Briquettes.

Danger Couch is high in F.I.B.E.R.*, very high. In fact, you could say we pretty much occupy all the top slots in the organization. Which really isn’t hard to do when you start you own agency.

*Federal Investigative Bathroom Emergency Responders.

Danger Couch is non habit forming. If you don’t believe us, ask our fleet of highly paid lobbyists and publicists.

Danger Couch is the only natural source of Energyrazen, a very scientific-sounding substance which we just made up.

Danger Couch comes in a high-potency, time release formula that can make it dangerous to operate heavy machinery for up to three days after exposure, or even longer if you lick the screen.

Danger Couch is non-carcinogenic, at least at moderate levels.

Danger Couch is all natural. Just like steroids, E. Coli, and arsenic.

Danger Couch contain no Trans Fat. However, it may contain some Hans Fat, who is the pizza delivery guy that detonated a powerful sneeze on the set of Danger Couch, once between takes. Despite our best efforts and eighteen cans of Lysol, I’m afraid that there is still a little bit of him in everything we do.

Anyway, happy Rest of the New Year to all our friends, fans, and stalkers. We hope that all of you will enjoy happier, healthier, Couch-filled life experiences all year through and into the next.

Until next week,

The DC Crew

If you enjoyed this post, you need therapy.
If that doesn’t work check out more by the author at his blog:
The Ominous Comma