Dear Mr. Danger,

I recently found two tickets to Memphis under a bench in the park and I am planning to travel there early in December. I was wondering if you could recommend something to do on December 7th, maybe around 7pm.

Hug and Giggles

Staci (with a heart dotting the i)

Staci,

I do have a suggestion or two for you regarding the 7th of December. That very day, the daring, dashing, and devilishly handsome men of Danger Couch will be making a rare live appearance in Lakeland. (it’s the appearances that are rare, not the live part. They have actually been alive for several years and credit their longevity to habitual breathing, and the regular ingestion of food.)

It is amazing to me that you haven’t heard about this. I know you’re not from around here, but I was sure that people in other areas of the country had been following the story and were aware of the dramatic events surrounding the Danger Couch show.

You see, there was a bit of a disturbance when the show was first announced. Within minutes lines formed in front of every TicketBlaster outlet. After several hours, the police were called in to direct automotive traffic around the multi-mile-long ticket lines. Things turned ugly when word got out that there no tickets available. Building were burned, heads were shaved, people ran screaming in the streets. Then it was announced that no tickets would be required, because admission would be a mere two canned food items to be donated to hungry.

Then everyone felt really silly. They stopped rioting. They helped to clean up the mess. Some of them bought wigs. And then they went home.

So anyway, this Danger Couch thing is really a big deal and you should definitely go. If you don’t attend, you will be kicking yourself for years to come over your colossal foolishness and complete lack of priorities.

But it’s up to you.

With warmest regards,

-Mr. Danger