Friends, neighbors, Couch aficionados, and the two-and-half people who were googling “dagger crouch” and somehow ended up here,

Good Morning,

I feel obligated to inform you of a new and impending threat that threatens the vulnerable reserves of international boredom and normality. These precious reserves, which are carefully distributed throughout the world in meetings, lectures, and Emmy acceptance speeches, are crucial to civilization and world culture as we know it. Without them, there would be a world-wide epidemic of insomnia, with possible outbreaks of employment satisfaction and other unmentionable ailments. This is clearly dangerous for reasons I won’t to go into, namely because I have not yet figured them all out.

Anyway this threat, this hideous, maleficent, unsavory challenge to the status quo of internet existence is located at www.ominouscomma.com. Don’t go there! For the sake of all that is wholly decent, stable and sane, stay away from this site. Although still in its infancy, it is a powerfully destabilizing influence to maturity, sobriety, and all that we cherish here at Danger Couch.

Rumors have already spread regarding the supposed similarities between us and the insidious forces behind The Ominous Comma. Pay no heed to such rumor spreading filth-mongers. In fact, feel free to grab them and physically restrain their mouths with duct tape. (for best results, apply a generous helping of blackstrap molasses to their sadly truth-impaired tongues before taping. Ignore any gagging or sputtering that may ensue. It is a matter of public record that molasses are not only delicious, but good for you as well. You are actually doing these individuals a great favor, and should bask in the pride of your generosity and accomplishment for a least four to five hours.)

I cannot over emphasize enough how evil, evil, stinky, bad, poopy, and not-good The Ominous Comma is. For the sake of your immortal souls, for the sake of international trade actuaries, for the sake of unborn children and unwashed puppies everywhere, stay away from this site.

Once again, the place to stay away from is www.ominouscomma.com, just in case I failed to mention that before.

Thank you and be careful,

Mr. Danger