The Danger Couch DVD is ready. Extremely ready. Far readier, in fact, then anything you may normally associate with the term ready.

Visualize a souped-up cement truck, washed, waxed, and full of gas. Waiting only for a green light to pave the road in burnt rubber and attitude. It’s readier than that.

Picture a woman thirteen months pregnant, beating down the doors of the delivery room, screaming “Induce me or die!” It’s more ready than even that.

Think of a bag of hot popcorn, fresh from the microwave and begging to be unsealed: It’s still readier than that, and just as likely to give second degree burns if opened too quickly.

Imagine a yearlong homework assignment, finally finished and footnoted; waiting only to be turned in and done. It’s a lot like that except–

Actually, it’s exactly like that.

It’s ready to rock, it’s ready to roll, it’s ready to spin in your disc player at speeds that frankly make me dizzy to imagine.

It’s that ready.

Do not live another moment in your incompleteness and need, acquire a copy of Danger Couch and the Tinsel of Doom today.